I Know You Are, But What Am I?

I Know You Are, But What Am I?

Talk of the Super Bowl commercials may be drowning out talk of the actual game.  No commercial is getting more attention than the Budweiser ad that attacks the craft beer industry in much the same way that a jilted child folds his/her arms, sits in the corner and pouts.  AB In-Bev has been playing defense for a while now. They have been buying up small(er) craft breweries like Goose Island (who isn’t very small anymore), Ten Barrel, and the latest is Elysian just a couple of weeks ago.  We’ve been watching as one announcement of buyout is followed by another.  The large breweries are losing market shares, and they were so busy doing keg stands that they didn’t notice until it was too late to rebrand themselves.  Rather than go to the trouble of producing beers that appeal to craft beer lovers, they have chosen to acquire companies that can.  There has been a lot of rumbling about this in the beer world, but I honestly thought that it would settle down, things would go back to business as usual, and Budweiser would quietishly gain market shares through the back door.  Then their Super Bowl ad aired.  (Because I refuse to give Budweiser more air time for their buck, I’m not going to include it here.  If you didn’t see it last night, you’ll just have to take my word on it.)

There is no dialogue, only subtitles while a butchered version of Gary Glitter’s “Rock and Roll Part 2” because, I suppose, either the advertising budget was exhausted or Mr. Glitter chose not to allow his music to be a part of the debacle.  But what words they were.  I will present them in their unedited form for you now.

Budweiser

Proudly a Macro Beer

Is not brewed

To be fussed over

It’s brewed for

A crisp, smooth finish

This is the only beer

Beechwood aged

Since 1876

There’s only one

Budweiser

It’s brewed for drinking

Not dissecting

The people who drink

Our beer

Are people who like

To drink beer

Brewed the hard way

Let them sip

Their pumpkin peach ale

We’ll be brewing us some

Golden suds

This is the famous

Budweiser

Never mind that their newly acquired Elysian happens to make a pumpkin peach ale called Gourdia On My Mind, therefore BUDWEISER MAKES A PUMPKIN PEACH ALE.  Never mind that they leech all the flavor out of the beech wood chips before they go into the giant steel fermenter to make sure they don’t impart any flavor.  It’s all for yeast flocculation, and has nothing to do with actual flavor.  Do I even need to point out that they said that Bud is not to be fussed over, but then they got fussy about it?  It’s sort of hard to dissect something that is one dimensional and has the personality of poorly treated refuse water.  They are basically spitting in the face of the largest growing sector and saying that they will now only focus on marketing to the least common denominator.  If you want good taste, this Bud is not for you.  They only want the people that are underage and don’t know what beer is supposed to taste like to drink their product.  The demographic that is more concerned with quantity than quality.  That’s their target market. 

This is the point when I realize that I have begun sounding just as juvenile as Bud’s commercial.  Did they convince anyone that likes craft beer to drink Bud?  No.  I’m sticking to my well-crafted, flavorful, aromatic ales.  Did they get everyone who drinks craft beer to talk about their brand?  Yes.  And that means that their commercial worked.  Even negative attention is better than being ignored. We’ve all been tricked! Well played, Budweiser, well played.  You got me. 

Valentine's Day
Kripta CAVA 2007

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